weakness and anger

If you had known me 7 or 8 years ago I doubt you'd want to be my friend. I had a lot of anger back then and I would lash out at anyone and anything. And then something changed.

When I was diagnosed, the specialist said to me that it wasn't anger, it was energy. And that I had the choice to use that energy in a negative way through anger, or in a positive way through action. I immediately changed, and became solution focused and action and positivity became my mantra. I am still depressed and I still am angry, but instead of seeing a problem, I see a solution.

These last few months since the hardest hit march in october has meant I have been able to channel my anger into something really positive and amazing. The spartacusreport has also meant that I had the opportunity to channel all my energies into helping others and being angry at the right people for the right reasons.

But, as i think is typical, I have one weakness.

I have, since that point also developed my creativity. Especially at the moment when I'm not well, and can't concentrate on things for more than 10 minutes this outlet is essential to get rid of some of that anger. It de stresses me to work in photoshop, and its the only thing I can sit and do for hours. I enjoy it, its as though I lock away that anger inside the image im creating.

which is where my weakness comes from. I love to add visual stuff to mainly written and text based things. and I hate to see my artwork misused or misunderstood. it is a part of me, and a very emotional part, so when that happens, it also releases that emotion and that anger inside.

I did some creative stuff for church and well, i no longer go there. They misunderstood and were not using my creative skills appropiately. I had the same problem with a group at uni. They copied my work and sold it on. All this stuff makes me very sensitive and i get very angry and upset when it happens.

I do things on trust. I never do things to make money, its not who I am, I make my artwork for other peoples enjoyment, and as a strong visual message to aid written messages. Its my expressive art.

which is why it angers me and upsets me to see it being abused in that way. I shouldn't have to watermark these designs. I watermark most of my work, but the stuff I do to spread a message or an idea visually, is something I want people to share. To enjoy and to use in helping them to explain the message.

It upsets me and embarrasses me when I get angry because I really hate that side of who I am, and it winds me up that I let people get to me like that. so I am sorry for my weakness and I hope i have explained it all well.

thanks