normal people are really sick...

My new years resolution for 2012 was to become well.

Nothing too serious though, I don’t want to be an out and out normie or anything, perhaps just a touch of ableness, so perhaps I could work or something?

I hear theres a lot of money to be made from being normal. Aparantly you can even get a job, you know a proper one, not just one of those workfare ones. One that pays tax and everything.

And it is far easier to be seen as normal these days than was ever the case, just go and see ATOS and you’l be instantly cured, fit for work!

Also, I am nothing if not a creature of fashion, a cool and with-it hipster, daddy-o, who is always up to date with the latest trends.

And being normal is incredibly fashionable. The number of people who claim to be normal has doubled in the past ten years. (again, thanks to ATOS for that)

And who can blame them? Not only do you get a hell of a lot more money from working than being on benefits- but if you play your cards right you might even be able to afford a brand new car of your own and perhaps even a week or two in the sun. You could even afford to park wherever you want and not have to go home if there are no spaces near the shops.

Ahh, the shops, if I was normal I might be able to actually buy things in them, you know, with real money? And I could use a normal toilet, without having to wait for the only disabled loo that’s usually taken up with a parent changing her kid or a wayward MP. And no guilt either! Amazing!

The latest figures regarding employment and being normal came out this week. It is now estimated that the majority of the population are normal, and are fit to work. What’s more, almost all of them have been able to do so for more than a decade! WOW shocker!

When you suggest this is a public scandal, the government get very cross and accusing you of victimizing the normals.

But I’m not. I’m vicitimising the people who are normal in order to claim handouts from employers. Disgusting behaviour, is working.

Or at least, I’m trying to: I don’t suppose it will have much effect. Just water off their supposedly straight backs.

Then the right wingers will say- hang on a minute, you fat old leftie, more money is lost to the country through sickness benefits than from tax avoidance. And then I would point them in the direction of the facts…

And the Government should deal with that misleading statement with a bit more vigour than they do right now.

But it still doesn’t make normals ok does it?

Its like saying we shouldn’t get worked up about not being able to work, because working is so much worse.

It’s a silly argument, we all know normals have it too good.

More than anything, though, the people who find that people are normal are doing a disservice to their country, ATOS are denying people who are truly disabled or ill, and forcing them out into the workplace. It has become easier for ATOS to do this, partly as a consequence of the government who, out of their own self-interest, insist that an ever-greater proportion of the population is normal.

I think we should all try and be disabled for a month or so, try and claim benefits and see how hard it really is. Then hopefully it might persuade the government to sort out the mess. 

http://www.freezepage.com/1327578079WVBGACETGC  (a parody of this article)