the wheels on the bus

There is a case going to the supreme court this week about whether wheelchair users should have absolute priority over other passengers on buses.
http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/jul/09/wheelchair-pram-bus-space

I have to be clear, I hate travelling on the bus with my pram, I prefer the tram. On the rare (now impossible) days that I used to take my daughter out alone on the bus there were plenty of times I had to wait for the 3rd or sometimes 4th bus to get on. This was usually for something important like a doctors appointment for her (I rarely travelled on the bus on my own with her unless essential). I left plenty of time and made sure to accomodate the wait time into my trip.

Anyway, that aside that is not the main problem I have with this case. It places "disabled people" at odds with "parents and children". I am both a disabled person and a parent. The fact that the bus can get my pram on actually enables me to travel, just in the same way as a wheelchair user experiences. I do not, when I am on my own with my daughter have the capacity to fold down the pushchair. It is not a simple case of inconvience for me, it is a case of being impossible when I am on my own.

There are other areas where there is an unfortunate clash of needs, namely in the toilet areas, where disabled peoples needs are usually met in the same space as parent and childrens needs are. There is no particular priority given to either group, it is simply a shared space and we take it in turns to use its shared facilities. its not ideal, but it works. I personally think its the same with all areas. We share our spaces with others in all aspects of life. Why is it so hard to share the bus space with others who may need it equally?

Yes, a wheelchair user can only use one space on the bus, so can the disabled mother with the pram. I am concerned that in the future I could get on a bus at one end of town and be asked to leave by the other end of town, forcing me to have to go back to the first stop, because it is the only stop I can get on to ensure I can get on with the pram, just because a wheelchair user gets on after me. I too may have had to wait 3 or 4 buses to get on too. I also have places to go of importance. It isn't easy for any of us with wheels, we should work together.

I want to leave you with a story from last week. Our daughter was ill, and needed to be taken to the out of hours doctors which involves two buses and about a 45 minute journey. It was 10 o clock at night when we set off. We have no car, and therefore no car seat. A taxi wasn't an option for us as its against the law (and common sense) to travel without one. We managed to get on all the buses we needed with our sleeping and ill daughter in the pram. If we had been forced to get off the bus for a wheelchair user we would have been literally stranded in an unfamilar area late at night with no way to get home or to our next destination, with the buses being every half an hour, it would have also meant we had lost the doctors appointment, starting the process all over again.

Not only that we were so lucky to get the last bus from the doctors into town with 2 minutes to spare. Again, with a sleepy and ill child in the pram. If a wheelchair user had got on, would it be right that we would have been forced off into the night, because they have "more priority".

Im not suggesting that it would be right to leave the disabled person there either, and thankfully where we live there is space for both. What I am saying is that sometimes it might involve some negotiation of the limited space available. we could move the pram around, etc.

There are no easy answers to this

The decision letter from the DWP

I am moving between laughter and anger at the moment at the letter from the DWP about my mandatory reconsideration.

They haven't read it. I repeat, they haven't even read my mandatory reconsideration statement. The one I spent days writing with a lot of help, that contained an evidence based log of how i was entitled to all the different points. They didn't even bother with it.

Ten weeks of waiting and they couldn't even be bothered to read it. I know this because the reasoning they used to come to the same decision is using the same flawed arguements in the first place that I countered with the mandatory reconsideration. The main one being that I was well dressed at the ATOS appointment, despite the fact I wrote that yes, of course, that is because my husband prompts me to dress in the morning. He was doing his job. They still stated this in the new decision letter.

They accept that knifes are triggering for me and that its not safe for me to use them, but as this isn't for "the majority of time" they think its ok. I'm not a professional knife thrower, so I don't tend to use knives for the majority of the day, only once or twice.

they seem very insistant that as I don't take any anti aniety medication I cant be anxious. Does anyone want to point out the problems with this idea?

I like the idea that they don't see that I am recieving any input from a specialist, but list in the evidence the letter from my specialist psychotherapist. Yes, they really did. I have a joint bank account with my husband so have no problem with managing finances, that is the biggest leap I have ever seen there, one I responded to the first time, and they ignored.

I am angry that I have to even take this to appeal, because the level of stupid this has reached is unbelievable. but hey ho, its off to appeal i go.

I have decided

70 days, 9 weeks 6 days later, the DWP have reconsidered the original decision to award me zero points and have decided to award me zero points..

The more intelligent amongst you might notice that the same amount of points were awarded before the reconsideration and after it. This is after 9 weeks and 6 days of careful consideration and thought as to how the hell they can get away with awarding someone with so much medical evidence zero points.

It took a lot of searching through the DWP assessment guide and the law to find the loopholes that made this possible. They employed the people at ATOS to assist in their quest as well, as the people at ATOS are more expert on the impact of disability, illness and impairment on peoples daily life than people themselves. They wrap this up to call it the medical assessment, but in reality it is more of a case of looking at the medical evidence and deciding which bits are going to make the claimant look like a fraud and use those.

The DWP decision makers letter is the best though. Every decision is clarified with the words I have decided and therefore. So if the DWP have decided you are perfectly able to do the activities set out, then you can naturally do them, a little like a modern day Jesus, take up thy bed and walk. I have been trying this whole malarky out in real life but I don't seem to have the DWP knack of this yet. I tried it out on my toddler tonight. I said with great authority "I have decided you are asleep" but all she did was pretend to snore and giggle when we erupted into tears of laughter at her reaction to DWP logic. I'm planning on trying this in other areas of my life soon too, I have decided that I have lost 3 stone in weight, I have decided that I have won the lottery, that sort of thing, will have to see how it goes. #bythepowerofATOS #bythepowerofDWP

I have to write this, I have to laugh. I was expecting this all along, and expecting to have to appeal. I am exhausted but being kept going by my lovely husband and toddler who love me unconditionally and usually more than that.

We are doing ok. When I got my last higher rate care and lower mobility DLA award three years ago we knew this would be my last DLA. We started saving where we could so we could have a buffer.

Our housing benefit is being paid (after a fashion, thanks to the council) and we have some practical support from our GP. We are getting food parcels from a food bank and generally surviving as best we can. We have a few tricks up our sleeves, namely this place https://www.approvedfood.co.uk/?afid=5d03ea where we can get nearly out of date food really cheaply. We have a charity shop that we can get 4 items of kids clothes for 1.50. We are using cloth nappies. We are surviving, on a practical level at least.

So, time to go the CAB again, get an appeal written and sent off, and start the wait all over again. 

just to add, my DLA enabled my husband to claim carers and us income support. We can't claim other benefits because we can't comply with the requirements needed ( JSA and ESA for eg. would mean my husbands carers allowance claim would be in question, and my GP doesnt know enough about my condiiton to sign me off for ESA)

the morning after

The morning after. I still feel empty and broken and iv still got a massive mess to sort out.
But I'm here.
As anyone who read the guardian article about me a few weeks ago will know I have PTSD, a fact i didn't want to reveal nationally but that's what the dwp and Atos forced me to do, just to highlight the sheer trauma they put me under in my assessment.
I think most people have heard of the fight/flight mechanism when faced with a difficult situation. You either fight or you run. Mine is kinda broken and I tend to run when I can't cope. It's not planned and its certainly not safe. I exist in a dream like state, not really aware of myself or things around me.
Im feeling more grounded today. More aware of myself etc. But not great. And would still like to disappear from the world I currently live in.
Im having to deal with the crushing reality of being the chief income earner, all our money as a family came from my DLA (and income support and carers) which has all stopped. All the responsibility falls on me. Im not making a political statement but I know full well that my husband would get more money as a single parent, and that really doesn't help in my current state of mind.
Im going to get in contact with the cab and my mp on Monday and see what's happening. With such a target driven culture, surely the dwp will make a decision soon, if only to make their targets

ten weeks

I wish I could explain what ten weeks waiting for the dwp to reconsider their decision is like, properly. But I can only write down the facts as any emotion attached to this process has long since gone.
Give it another two weeks, next week, tomorrow. Every excuse to keep ringing back is given by the dwp operators, but none of them knows what it means in reality to tell someone late on Friday to try next week.
1st April they got my request to look at my claim again. They have admitted that the first medical was wrong and threatened me to undertake another, despite the medical evidence and other evidence I have submitted.
I have contacted the media 4 weeks ago and then felt forced to contact my mp 2 weeks ago. Im still waiting. With the excuse that it should be taking "up to 9 weeks". They don't know what to say when I say its been 9 weeks apart from try next week.
Ten weeks with no money, everything relied on my DLA before. Ten weeks of being impossible to budget because everything will be sorted soon, but nothing ever is. The extra costs don't go away because the benefits have gone. I tried living like that but it was impossible.
I cant cope with waiting anymore. I can't cope with the relentless fear of the telephone and letterbox. I cant cope with having to wait ten weeks to be once again told by the dwp that im not sick enough to qualify and have to start the wait over again for appeal.
This is me signing out. I have tried and failed to wait but can wait no more.