I find myself in a strange position. I'm getting married in a few weeks time, which whilst strange enough in itself isn't the strangest thing. Its the world I feel chucked into thats bizarre. As a bride there is a really strong stereotype and attitude that you get from society. It is consumerist, fake and very sexist, but o so easy to fall into the trap.
In a sign of rebellion and defiance when I realised I was being sucked in I had my hair cut, in a style that I liked and suited me. From that moment on, the illusion of what a wedding, and indeed a bride should be fell away to enable me to be my own bride and celebrate my love for my soon to be husband MY and our way.
I am not a princess or indeed even a girly type girl. I am very practical, down to earth and creative. However, over the course of the last 6 months I have felt like I have somehow let down the whole notion of womanhood by not wanting the perfect wedding day. Its just not me, or my groom. We are both interested in the marriage more than the wedding. Not only that we don't have the money to splash on a big fancy wedding, or the inclination to wait a while so we can save to get it.
Our wedding is dominated by practicability. My flowers are chocolate foil wrapped balls with tissue paper petals (made by me) because I have hay fever and didn't want to sneeze my way down the aisle. It also doubles up as great presents for the guests at the party. Our venue is our local church and the community room, which although small and perhaps not everyones first choice, its our church and its very cheap. My dress is £175 pounds, but although its quite a pretty (off) white dress I am wearing flat shoes that are fair traded. My dress has been hand made by someone in the UK to my measurements. We are having jacket potatoes and toppings at our reception. Its cheap, easy to prepare and filling fod. Everything is (or at least was, perfect, at least for us) until I came to my bridesmaids.
I have 2 bridesmaids, both girls age 5 and 9. I really didn't want to make them feel uncomfortable and I didn't particularly want to dress them up like dolls. I wanted them to enjoy the day and have fun but still without the 'frills'. In someways I was reminded of times where I had to wear dresses and stuff that I didn't feel comfortable in so wanted to give them something to wear that wasn't to girly girly.
Unfortunately, my original plans fell through and I spent the last few days panicking. But, being a bit of an activist bride my panic wasn't about getting new outfits for the girls, it was more about the choice (or lack of) that there was. Every website I clicked on bridesmaids, or even girls dresses featured walls and walls and rows and rows of what I call pinkification. These girls are being groomed into being girly girls as the normal and standard. Society, consumerism, whatever you want to blame it on its there and its happening. Pinkification leads into being overly sexualised, but it comes before that.
There were no skirt and top combos for bridesmaids, or even clothes that could be used for that purpose. Everything was 'pretty' and everything was available in varying shades of pink. I felt responsible for these girls and I thought that by sticking them in pretty dresses was in someway giving in to the stereotypes of being a girl. I wanted it to be different, I really wanted to show them that they could be pretty and beautiful without being all floaty 'pink' and overly girly, but I failed.
I fell in love with some little girl bridesmaids dresses. They were on sale, but they have butterflies on them and they are purple and a little too girly for my liking. However, the main thing is that the girls really love them (well why wouldn't they, they probably don't know much difference (not that its anyones fault)) and I am sure they will look lovely. O, and they were on sale...
