the black hole

i am sorry if this is a bit rambly but im currently lying down and typing on fingered as im recovering from yet another one of those horrible nasty fits.


i was having thoughts about that black hole time between initial symptoms, diagnosis and eventual treatment.

For my mental health problems, I had my first symptons at 16, diagnosed at 21 and eventually got treatment age 26. All through this time I was in constant ned of police, ambulance, hospital, benefits, people support etc. My impairment didn't stay in a nice comfy stasis waiting for this treatment, but went to the extreme end of bad, meaning that the first year of my treatment was spent undoing all the bad things that have happened since first symptoms.

and then, moving on to my current situation. If you look at my last 2 posts I have been fitting since the sunday before last. The toll this is taking on my body as well as my mental health is immense. I know that I am also trying to eat better, but a loss of 5 pounds in one week is a bit extreme and can only be put down to the fitting. From what little there is on the internet (ie a sentence) a one minute fit can be the equilant of a days exercise. I am having at least 3 of these, sometimes lasting 5 minutes.

Unfortunately, on discharge the hospital didn't refer me to neurology as promised. They have just sent a letter to the GP to do it themselves. Unfortunately, they wont refer me until they have spoken to me. Unfortunately I have had to go 3 counties away because I realisticly cant be left on my own and this is the closest 24/7 support I can get. Travelling back to home is really hard because I am so exhausted and its quite a way away, plus as I am a stubborn wotsit I dont like relying on other people, and even being looked after is a bit horrible for me.

I feel like I'm in a black hole. The awkard time between symptoms and treatment. I NEED help with this fitting, its having a negative impact on my overall wellbeing, as well as the potential of physical damage from fitting. I can't get anything for this until I get diagnosed and treatment, and yet by being not well I cant realisticaly access these things to do this.

I just hope it doesn't last as long as it did for my mental health problems.