half a parent

When I became a parent in May 2014, I did not become half a parent. I became a parent, a Mum to a beautiful little girl. I did not half feed her, or half wash her or half look after her, but I did so fully, in equal partnership with my husband who was also a complete 100% parent. We were both parents, not half parents, in need of each other in order to be able to competently look after our daughter.

Yes, we shared roles, but it didn't lessen our responsibility. I may also be a disabled parent, but in fact this makes me more of a parent, because I had to endure social services assessments before being allowed to take on that title, something that I continued to do throughout her life.

When my husband and I "parted ways" (another story another time), I did not expect to lose my status as a parent too. Well, it was something that he often threatened me with, but it was never something that I expected to happen, as I have read many websites that tell you to ignore the abusive and threatening words of "don't tell or you'll lose your kids". Unfortunately for me, as a disabled parent, this seems to be true, and not the work of fiction the websites had me believe.

The only reason I am considered half a parent now is because I do not have my husband supporting me anymore. This, and my "disabled person" status are the only things baring me from being a full parent. I find myself having to go over the old ground of proving myself as a parent, despite having 3 years experience now.

My status as a disabled parent should not be a factor. I have been a disabled parent since her birth and will continue to be so. I have not been pretending, nor should I be considered a parent only in context of having a husband or partner to support me. That is very dangerous, and it was that exact sentiment that he used to scare me into staying with him. No person should feel so trapped in a relationship that they fear leaving because they may also lose their child. I had hoped to find support and not judgement for my decision to leave, but here we are.

I may need extra support to be a disabled parent now, which is fair enough, but I should not be prevented from parenting because I am disabled. I was never judged as half a parent before, nor should I be now.