on becoming a voluntary student

Since writing my last blog about what next for me I have been doing a lot of thinking, researching and questioning. I have got frustrated, confused, annoyed and upset over this whole 'future' thing.

But then, a little seed that had been slowly growing in my head suddenly erupted into a fully grown tree of an idea and its been borne out of my fustrations with what next and my future.

I want to study disability studies, or education, or both or similar. I would like to be able to do it distance learning, or in yorkshire at least and part time would probably work best for me. I would even love to be able to do it on a modular basis.

but thats just not possible.

In some places I got to applying before realising that the place I was applying to was using disabling language. As I am writing my dissertation on a similar theme it felt a bit hypocritical to apply, and it concerned me that somewhere I might want to study cant use appropriate language for something so simple. I tried to look at other places, but the requirements ranged from the ridiculous to the downright impossible. Even a modular based course wanted me to be in the education sector as a professional before starting the MA, but surely if I want to do education first before a job I should be able to?

So, disillusioned with the whole system, getting frustrated about my future I started to question and reflect on what I have learnt so far. The most memorable, and enjoyable part of my learning journey so far has been the last few months. I like to call it gatecrashing, but its a little bit different to that. I attended research forums, where researchers discuss what their current thoughts are and what they are doing next. I went to an inaugural lecture by someone whose book I had read. I went to a business seminar about a company I liked. I gatecrashed a few lectures where I wasnt enrolled on the module because I heard that something exciting was happening. I went along to random events that I didn't really know what to expect or what I was really doing there.

and I learnt. Not in the traditional sense, but in a completely new way. I was learning so much about things I didnt know, as one of the speakers I listened to said I was understanding, not just learning. It was refreshing and engaging. It was challenging, often having to catch up to new theories or ideas that i hadnt thought of before. I was in control of what I went to, what I chose to engage with, and for the first time I was actually enjoying it. There was no assoicated pressure with the learning, it was just there and I was able to take it in.

And then, to my surprise I started to use it and apply this new knowledge to my traditional educational life. There was a cross over in some senses. I found myself thinking about futurism in relation to my dissertation last night, and after a particularly inspiring speech I managed to write over 2000 words in the space of a morning.

I wasnt paying for any of this, bar my time and the cost of getting there. It was free and I invited myself along. The benefits were beyond what I could have imagined and have created a random collection of thoughts that I can draw on in the most unexpected of places.

So yes, I am thinking very seriously about taking a year out of formal education. I'm wondering if its possible to seek out these events and opportunities to learn and become a voluntary student. The thought of setting my own agenda and being in charge of what I want to learn excites and scares me. However, given my experiences over the last few months, and my frustrations of feeling like I don't fit with any further study (and my choice of work is pretty non standard too) I am seriously considering this option and really believe it will be a positive and interesting time spent learning beyond what I should be able to in a classroom.