allowing myself to think about my future.

I woke up early this morning to start writing my final piece of work, my dissertation. Yesterday I went to my final lecture. Thats how it feels, final. The end, or perhaps the beginning. This is the furthest I have ever got in higher education and the end is in sight.

It is a  somewhat brave step to allow myself to think about my future. At the age of 28, I have never got beyond the undergraduate student stage of my life. I have, for the last ten years felt 'in transition'. Now, I am about to transition into the next stage of my life, but for the first time in my life I am unsure what that looks like.

For the first time there is no 'normal' path to follow. There are many options yes, but all of those are as normal as the next. Getting a job, going into further study, taking a year off are all perfectly acceptable things for a 'normal' student to do when they graduate.  But me, am I normal?

Over the last few weeks I have slipped (or thats how it feels) into attending various 'academic' type events. I have really loved this experience. I feel like I have the freedom to actively engage and learn what I want to, when I want to, in the way I want to. It is, ironically the first time I have actually enjoyed education and taken an active role in forming it for myself. Inviting myself to random and completely abstract talks, seminars and lectures has really opened my mind to new thinknig and really helped with my current project within my dissertation.

In the past i have felt like education is something that is just there, to be done for some reason, long forgotten in the rebelious nature that I find myself having towards my degree. Now, looking forward I can't see my life without that education being there. Although it might have felt like a crutch its now something I really want to do.

However, post graduate study feels, I dunno, daunting. For the first time in my life I can do anything, but dont have the first clue what I want to do. There is no easy answer, and with time rapidly passing until september I have to make my mind up soon. Anyone with any suggestions or answers to this I would be greatful to hear it.

o, and Im getting married in august. thats a normal thing to do isnt it?