Ableism in the teacher training curriculum: Some stuff I need to say

In March of this year I had a PIP medical. See here for the impact of that: https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/may/12/benefits-assessment-ptsd-benefit

What I haven't revealed until now is the other half of that story. I was on a teaching course at the time. Studying to do a PGCE. As a direct result of  the PIP medical's effects on my mental health I was forced to quit studying because of the concerns my placement had on my ability to teach their students (their words).

I have not shared this because I have been unable to. I have had to deal with the PIP process and appeal, which only ended in September, and then had to focus on starting my new course an MA in education. It is through this new course and my first assignment that I am now able to start to process what happened back in march.

I was studying a PGCE in further education teacher training, for disabled students. It is my firm belief that there needs to be more disabled teachers to teach disabled students, and this was my goal. I was only able to do this part time, but I was hoping to make a difference. But I couldn't even get through the PGCE year. Throughout my placement, in a special education college, I was forced to pass as a non disabled person. I was told not to reveal anything to the students, but seen other teachers doing just that about their personal life. What they actually meant was, don't tell them your disabled, don't reveal you are the same as them, as it was seen as a weakness and not a strength. The teachers I was working with had a deficit model of disability and impairment and couldn't see beyond that.

Ironically, one of them revealed my child to the group, which was seen as perfectly acceptable, but something I had chosen not to reveal in chosing the boundaries to operate in myself. I had to sit there (after being told off for discussing my history with the students) and listen to some really vile stuff about being disabled without being able to challenge it.

I am a politcally disabled person. It is part of who I am, and I am part of an oppressed minority in society. My impairment doesn't disable me, but the barriers, attitudes and access in society does.
There will be more to follow when I have written my first assingment about ableism in the teacher training community.
I want to leave you with this poem.

I am disabled by you.

I am disabled by your rules and your barriers.

I am disabled by your systems that I just don't understand and don't fit into.

I am disabled by your stairs and your signs written in bright white

I am disabled by your education system that says that i have to do things in a certain way in order to get a certain outcome.

I am disabled by your assumptions about my ability

I am disabled by your assumptions about my disability

I am disabled by your sticky labels and your self fulfilling prophecies

I am disabled by your label of disabled (and not person)

I am disabled by your stereotypes

I am disabled by your attitude and your inability to listen to me and what I need to succeed.

I am disabled by your trains and buses that are just too busy for me to get on

I am disabled by your inability to see me as a disabled person.

I am disabled by your control over my life

I am disabled by your inability to treat my impairment as real and valid

I am disabled by your failure to take responsibility to accommodate my needs

I am disabled by your words of hate and intolerance

I am disabled by your ignorance

yes

I might be a disabled person

but it is you who are disabling me

CHANGE

I am enabled by your barrier breaking

I am enabled by your equalising rules

I am enabled by empowerment

I am enabled by lifts and ramps and other ways around

I am enabled by alternative assessments and using computers to write with

I am enabled by your questions about my ability

I am enabled by your questions about my disability

I am enabled by your ability to look beyond my labels

I am enabled by your holistic approach to my life

I am enabled by your ability to see me as ME

I am enabled by your attitude and your understanding

I am enabled by single seats and quieter transport

I am enabled by your ability to see me as a disabled person

I am enabled by your willingness to simply walk alongside me

I am enabled by your accommodations and adaptations

I am enabled by your words of support and tolerance

I am enabled by you listening to me

Yes

I might be a disabled person

but it is you who makes the difference.

I am disabled by THEM

I am disabled by their ableism in their curriculum

I am disabled by their concept that a teacher can not be disabled and teach disabled students

I am disabled by their curriculum, that puts ME as other, the one to be taught to

I am disabled by their perfect placements that just dont want a disabled teacher

I am disabled by being not quite

I am disabled because I am not in a wheelchair, and thats what they expect

I am disabled by their right and wrong way to do things

I am disabled by being able to pass as normal in their world

I am disabled by their deficit definition of disability

I am disabled by who they say I should be and who I should not be

I am disabled by their personally imposed boundaries

I am disabled by their non critical approach to teaching me how to teach

I am disabled by their attendance requirements and assessment guidelines

I am disabled by their forced suspension making me feel like a failure

And I need to do something about that

So change?

What can I do?

I am doing it

Here, now, this minute

Writing and speaking about it

The personal becomes political

And its not just me who is disabled any more

Its YOU.

“To tell the truth is to become beautiful, to begin to love yourself, value yourself. And that’s political, in its most profound way.”  —June Jorda