you dont see me...

You look, but you don't see.

You look at my photos and my tweets from last night and you think I must be a fraud.
You don't see the anxiety in those things. You don't see the stress.
You don't see the stewards who escorted us around the arena, who looked after us
(so we avoided the crowd)

You look at my life but you dont see.
You look at where I was last night as a bad thing,
but you dont see the achievement.
The media doesn't allow you to, to see that people can do amazing things and still be disabled.
you don't see my husband standing right next to me, keeping me safe.
You don't see the area where we were, or the emails of reassurance that there would be somewhere to sit away from the noise, and the questions of how many people there would be.

You look and my life and you judge.
You don't see, because I wont let you see how I am today.
The sacrifice I make to get there, to be there.

You look and you wonder how I managed that.
I can tell you, if your interested in seeing how things are for me.

Last night was special. A one off, a once in a lifetime. My husband and I had got seated tickets to see Nickelback, we usually arrive after everyone else, and just before people leave. 2 weeks ago we won a VIP upgrade to go and stand next to the stage. After some emails of reassurance we took them up on their offer. We are so  glad we did, because we now have signed Nickelback Tshirts and memories of an amazing night that will stay with us forever. The staff were mainly amazing and really supported me and enabled me to attend within my limits. We were escorted into the VIP  entrance, and afterwards we spent some time locally to wait for the crowds to go so we could get home safely.

Disabled people can and do go to concerts. This isn't something I should feel I have to blog about, but this climate of fear and uncertainly and judgement means I feel the need to justify myself. It might be a sad fact, but it is true. Now I must go, my bed is calling me, time to recover.