down the rabbit hole (the week that was)

i dont really know where to start with this blog. Mainly because so much has happened and its all floating around in my head, feeling like it is crushing me down. So I guess I will start at the beginning.

After 6 weeks of waiting ATOS replied to us regarding our complaint. They admitted they did wrong, the assessment should have never taken place in the room with no soundproofing and it was only a temporary measure used for that day.

I got angry, I got very angry, I felt like ATOS were saying that they did it and they don't care, after all I am just a disabled person, why does it matter?

So, I wrote a letter to the DWP adding this evidence to my original reconsideration statement, which is still in progress, nearly 8 weeks after submission.

I also contacted the guardian. I am of the opinion that the personal is very much political. I didnt go to them with my story for my own personal gain, I went for everyone who didn't have a voice, or a letter from ATOS admiting their mistakes. I went to expose the systemic abuse that is happening to disabled people right now in the benefits system. Quite simply, it was bigger than myself. I felt willing to forgo my privacy to expose yet another failing in the system.

So, the article was written:
http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/may/12/benefits-assessment-ptsd-benefit
and it was well written.

But then I felt like Alice as I tumbled down the rabbit hole unable to stop the chain of events, either as a result of the article or my letter to the DWP highlighting the ATOS complaint letter.

I received a letter on friday informing me of another assessment, this time conducted in my home, next week. I am currently in panic mode. I can't describe what im currently going through, as it is really hard to put down into words what the thought of another assessment is doing to my head. I am also very clear that this will not be happening in my home. I need it to take place in a grey, anonymous office away from my life and certainly away from my place of safety in my home. Having ATOS there will feel like a home invasion. Just NO.

I have rung both ATOS and the DWP and neither know why I have been issued with this appointment. I have spoken to both the CAB and  another independent advice service who are both unsure as to what is happening. We are awaiting a call back from the DWP tomorrow to see if a manager can tell us what is going on.

In the mean time my husband has written a letter explaining why another medical is inappropriate at this stage. Its just too late for them to be gathering evidence.

I have also taken a step that I didn't think I would have to, I have contacted my MP. I didn't want to because it feels like I am being selfish, but as I am currently travelling down the rabbit hole I need all the help I can get to land safely and move on from this experience.

Answers on a postcard as to whats going on, and whats going to happen next.

Monday update: Im not really sure whats going on anymore. The DWP and ATOS are denying all knowledge of ever speaking to each other and I feel like Im in the middle of some sort of lovers tryst, or fight between them. I just want them to throw out the mandatory reconsideration so I can take it to appeal for them to laugh at it all. ATOS or the DWP say theres not enough medical evidence to make a paper based medical happen, but then say that its too personal information, but then say they are the only ones able to tell me what my life is like on a day to day basis.

and they wonder why the suicide rate is going up...