the white letter.

I assume too many people weren't opening the brown letters of doom anymore, so they changed it to white, that or the letters are so scared of their contents that they turned white.

However, that aside I got my big white letter of doom today. I have a medical next week for my PIP transfer. I want to record, as best as I am able my journey and my feelings and everything here, because I hope it might help someone else. Not only that I believe that the personal is political and yea, this is personal but its also political. so here goes.

My first thought was that of fear. I have been waiting for this since september, when I got the original transfer letter from the DWP. It took both of us until the start of january to get my how my disability affects me form to them and 3 months to get to a medical stage.

I haven't had a medical before, I went into the support group of ESA without one, and my previous DLA medicals were at home, then decided by the extensive evidence that I provided from my specialist (the same ammount I provided now). I had hoped it would be enough.

Theres no mention of the evidence they have got already so im going to take a copy in case they lost it (its happened before).

After calming down with vast quantities of cake I have read some stuff on what to expect at a medical and It feels like its going to be horrible.

I feel like I am going to have to put on a show of disability for them. To show them how my mental health problems really afffect me. But then it struck me, that my whole life is more of a show, that the things I do on a daily basis to hide the effects of my condition and to try to "pass" as a "normal" person is the actual show. I have been doing it for so long I have stopped noticing I am doing it. There is a certain vunerability involved in feeling forced to show a complete stranger how your internal life looks externally. Thats what Im really scared of, looking normal.