I don't want to be sitting here writing this. I don't want to have to be in this position and to acknowledge that I even am. But if I don't write about it then I will just keep it bottled up inside and it wont help anyone, least of all me.
As some may know I am pregnant. Currently 23 weeks pregnant to be exact. I am also what most people in society would call "disabled". It is for this label and this label alone I have been subject to the scrutiny and judgement of both the health and social services. My husband and I have already been judged as having some "concerns" over our ability to parent, despite this being our first child and despite these concerns being based on assumptions about my disability, impairment and their impact on our day to day life.
I am not going to justify my parenting skills here, as I have none. I am a new Mum who innocently and naively went to her midwife seeking support. Unfortunately what I got in return was a social services assessment and my condition being called "bizarre".
I had an initial midwife assessment done at 18 weeks pregnant. She has little or no training in mental health or disability and was very much focused on the medicalisation of my impairment so the resulting assessment is skewed and focuses on what I can't do rather that what I can. It isolates my impairment from the impact that society has on it and doesn't actually focus on the things that I might need help with.
The assessment was done in a rush, after 3 missed appointments. It was done, despite me stating that we were just about to move. So such statements as the flat was a mess is pretty obviously a falsehood. The fact that the information on the form wasn't quite accurate and full of assumptions and generalisations isn't a surprise. Has anyone ever moved? at 18 weeks pregnant? Its not the best time in the world to be discussing difficult and detailed things. Not only that the midwife added her "concerns" after we had signed it in a different pen, and we didn't actually consent for the information to be shared.
My impairment might be different, unique, etc. but it is not bizarre. It does not render me incapable of being a mother. My symptoms are well managed and I am well supported in doing this. What I could need help with is managing my symptoms in combination with a new baby and day to day life. What I am getting is being judged, scrutinized and unfairly penalised because I innocently went to them to ask for help.
My concern is that the current system we have is entirely voluntary (something that the midwife and social services seem to have forgotten in my case, I went to them, they didn't have a referral etc.). I had to ask for the help and I had to declare my disability to the midwife. By its very nature, me doing this means that I am not going to be putting baby "at risk". If I were, then why would I have asked for help? I am being proactive and being punished for it. If you were an expectant mum who didn't see themselves in need of help it is very easy to avoid the help, as it would be if you didnt want the help for any other reason (genuine or not). The problem is that at the moment the system is set up to think that "normal" mums to be are going to be perfect and able to cope with a new baby and only those with certain labels (disabled, age, social status etc) are somehow going to be defective. The system needs to recognise that ALL new mums are going to be in need of some support, and that we are all going to struggle, make mistakes and generally make it up as we go along. The system needs to be based on needs rather than triggers based on certain labels.
I have to look at this systemically, because if I didn't then I would take it personally and not be able to cope with it. If it is a system that I need to prove my status as a perfect mum to it somehow makes it easier.
This is the end of this blog post, but I am sure it wont be the end of this saga. I am sure there will be more blogposts to follow.
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