Rage

I am angry. I am really angry.

I was awarded zero points for my transfer from DLA to PIP on the 18th March. Thanks to the lack of staff at the DWP my mandatory reconsideration, part one of my appeal can take up to eight weeks to complete. I sent it on the first april, and so have been told it could be up until 30th May before I hear anything. But that isn't why I am angry (although its leaving feeling pretty helpless).

My husband complained about my medical assessment just after it happened. I have written previously about how distressing it was, we could hear everything that was said from next door and when we asked to move was told there were no rooms available.

We got the reply today, and this is what I am angry about. Some quotes from the response

"I have contacted the assessment centre in question and the confirmed room the was a temporary measure used for one day only due to a lack of computers available. The room is not normally used and will not be used again in the future."

"The health professional (HP) followed correct procedure as the only option open to them was to cancel the assessment, which would have caused even more distress to you."

I got zero points for this distress. I got zero points because none of this distress was even mentioned on my medical report, despite the fact they clearly mention it here.

They used a room that they admit was not suitable and will never be suitable to conduct a medical assessment. They should NEVER have even let me be in that room in the first place. It wasn't a case of cancelling the assessment if it was going to cause distress, (ie if they could get away with it then why bother re arranging).

It is horrible to think I have been treated so poorly. I have written a strongly worded letter to the DWP. I am hoping they can see how disgusting this is.

I have asked them to completely dismiss the medical as ATOS themselves have admitted it wasn't up to their usual standard. I have provided plently of other good evidence from medical professionals to not need another (I hope).

O, and ATOS mentioned the DDA, perhaps I need to write to them and let them know the equality act came in at the same time of the welfare reform act, and suggest they take a read of both? And the english really is as bad as my quoting.

I'm fat

Last night on dispatches the assessor was caught on camera talking about claimants in a derogatory fashion. Its just made me think. They called me fat to my face. Here is a copy of my PA4, my medical assessment.
I have mental health problems, tell me what relevance this "observation" is?

I quit. I had no choice

I wanted to write something smart or inspirational tonight, but when it comes to it, I can't.

Today I have had to give up my teaching qualification. Why?

Because the DWP took my Personal Independence payment away. Even though I am appealing, appealing takes time and in the meanwhile I can't live on nothing. The money I could get from student finance isn't enough to cover every day bills, and you cant get extra unless you claim PIP.

At least this way we can hopefully get housing benefit. Which will keep a roof over our heads.

It was also the medical that made me too ill to continue as it came at a crucial time of the year for me. Due to the trauma it caused me I was too ill to work for two weeks, and thats' a long time for teaching.

Perhaps there will be time for equolent words tomorrow. Tonight, there is just this.

How I wrote my mandatory reconsideration

couple of disclaimers, I am not legally trained (its more a student/academic approach) and I am yet to receive word on how my MR has been taken, but thought it might be helpful to some people.

Its not easy . I wrote a 10 page report on why I qualified and how for mandatory reconsideration, but its not entirely necessary as MR is usually just a rubber stamp by the DWP and the majority go to appeal. (That being said as you can use your MR for appeal why not both, it was my logic).

Once you have your statement of reasons from the DWP as to why they didn't award PIP 

have a good rant about. Shout, scream, write or talk about all the things that are so stupid about it all. Now put that aside, and onto the serious bit of getting what you are entitled to. 

I didnt use any of that in my MR statement. Not worth it, emotions are going to be distractions to the facts. Become a robot. Put yourself in the place of a decision maker. They are sitting down with your claim and your evidence in front of them and the assessment report. Put the assessment report aside for the first part.

Go through each descriptor as a decision maker. Write that you disagree with the decision made because of this piece of evidence. Quote it, reference it in the text with an indication of where it is in which piece of evidence. All facts, no emotions. If you don't have evidence for a descriptor, then you might need to get your evidence provider to write something additionally (but you may not have time for it as you only have 30 days, but still request it for the possibility of appealing as you still will only have 30 days if you need to appeal after MR is over). Just add you don't have evidence at this time but are requesting additional information from X with contact details.

You need to prove that you hit the points descriptor for the majority of days and to do so means that you need to be able to do the activity reliably. That is safely, to an acceptable standard and repeatedly. There is a definition of what the "reliably test" is in the PIP dwp assessment guide here: https://www.gov.uk/government/public...ment-providers

Ok, to reverse it. You need to demonstrate that it is dangerous, you can not complete it to an acceptable standard or would not be able to repeat it again at the same speed as would be expected, and take over twice as long as a non disabled person (I think thats right but the definition is in the booklet linked above). Remember that it has to affect you for the majority of days as well.

Bullet point it if you need to. Use your evidence, your original form, any additional evidence, stuff about your condition, and include it all in the final submission for them to look at.

For example: I disagree with the decision you made regarding descriptor X because, according to the evidence I submitted with my original claim My Consultant states

"My patient cannot do this"

Which means that I am unable to do this safely, to an acceptable standard and reliably. I can not do this for the majority of days because in addition to the above evidence I have also stated on my original form this:

" I can not do this on any days"

and my friend who wrote a supporting statement wrote this

"This person can not do this and I have to do this because of this."

(Im being intentionally vague because i'm really bad with examples and dont want to influence what you write, its just to demonstrate the format I used)

OK, next bit, discrediting the report. Well, not discrediting it as such. Remember, your the decision maker here. You need to justify why you didn't use it.

Any inconsistencies with the evidence from medical professionals compared with the report?

Is your condition complex to understand?

Does your anxiety manifest itself clearly and standardised so that anyone could pick up on it?

Don't lie, and don't accuse them of lying. Just state that the evidence you have provided is going to be enough to support your claim without needing to take into account the medical. Would it be possible for the people who went with you to the medical to record their own observations of you at the medical and send it in as a letter? Was there anything with the medical that meant you may not have been able to engage properly etc.

If you want to complain about the medical, send a complaint to the medical providers. Ask them to improve their standards.

As I said this is just my method, and it means I have done it for the appeal as well as the mandatory reconsideration so it saves some work.

Statement of decisions

so I got my statement of decisions today. It is quite simply terrible. It is a prime example of why medicals are innapropiate for people who have mental health problems. My mental health problems are complex and require long term pyschotherapy, which isnt available on the NHS. The decision maker, or the person doing the medical doesnt seem to understand that for some people, the NHS is not going to offer them the care they need. Trust me, I would love not to have to pay 45 pounds a week for my therapy, but that is the way it is. Because of this, and the fact I dont take anti aniexty medication means I must be faking it and be perfectly healthy thank you. It stated I dont access mental health services, I am guessing they got that from the physcotherapists letter that they were sent as evidence? It states that as I have seizures "only" once or twice a day lasting a few hours, that I am perfectly safe to cook in the kitchen and use a bath or shower. They negated to mention that both the kitchen and water and specific trigger points for me to have a seizure and that I have no warning of a seizure. It reads like I can pick and chose the times of my seizures and can fit washing and cooking around those. Of course, yes. It makes no mention of the fact I had a breakdown in the medical, and could hardly say my own name let alone anything else. I needed "no prompting" and showed "no signs" of cognitive impairment. I struggled all the way through the medical and couldnt even answer the basic maths or english question at the end. It stated that I got to the assessment centre on the tram and I travel on the tram so am perfectly fine, no mention of the fact I have to have someone with me at all times because of aniexty (which i dont have, see above). I dont have any issue with budgeting because we have a joint bank account and direct debits. Make of that what you will, as we said, its my partner who deals with that, I'm just on the account. Its time to fight. but first I must go and have a 3 hour soak in the bath all by myself and then go cook a three course meal before travelling to some far flung country tonight. with all the money, we dont have...

ids has gone, but..

So the news tonight is that Ian Duncan smith has quit. That's great, hes gone, but my life goes on. Today I got my PIP decision, zero points, I repeat zero points. Just as a reminder i had a panic attack during my medical. I have to wait until Monday before I ring to find out what's happened. I hope its a mistake. I didn't want to tell anyone, not until I found out what was going on. But with this news I am reminded from disability studies that the personal is politcal, and it seems apt that today both events happened. Life goes on, peoples lives are being ruined. In four weeks time we lose our DLA, carers allowance, income support and housing benefit. In four weeks time my husband, 2 year old and I will have no income. And IDS resigning wont have any impact on that.

The aftermath of PIP

Dear ATOS,
I'm angry, and I'm angry at you. For the Last five years or so I have been working damn hard to improve my life.
I met someone, who went from friend to fiancé to husband to daddy in the space of 2 years. I owe a whole lot to him, he showed me that I could rather than I can't, he showed me that life was possible.
Then there's my therapist too. He's just been there all the way through supporting and encouraging. After my diagnosis and being shown that's what I needed to improve that's what I found, long term psychotherapy. I can't get that on the nhs, so I pay for it myself, with my DLA.
I pay for a lot of stuff with my DLA. The tiny things like more clothes than we need so we don't have to wash so often, the food we have in that I can cook if I happen to need to that night (ready meals, tins easy stuff). Then there's the bigger stuff, like my therapy, or the extra freezer for the ready meals or the decent sofa bed for downstairs when I can't get upstairs safely and nursery and childcare to help us survive. Or there's the day to day stuff like the coffee shops we go to so he gets a break from cooking at lunch or the more expensive pre cut apples so I can give our daughter a decent diet.
Being disabled is expensive, even more so a disabled parent. But I have worked hard, I have improved a lot, but there's two important things with that. Number one, my improvements come with a cost, the workarounds and stuff we do to make life manageable costs, and number two, I walk a thin line. If I have a bad day (in terms of my own spectrum my good days would seem bad to you probably) I can fall off the recovery track pretty quickly, thankfully though I have support in place to yank me back pretty quickly.
So let me come back to my anger, now I have set the scene. Back in September I was "invited" to claim P.I.P, the replacement for my D.L.A. I got my forms in with evidence and waited.
Two weeks ago I received a letter to go to a "medical". There is nothing that can be determined from a medical of this fashion for mental health problems aside from if you have a breakdown in the middle of the assessment you have proven you are indeed entitled to benefit. Its pretty cruel and inhumane to be honest. To intentionally put someone through something that you hope will be traumatic enough for them to display external symptoms to you that you can then input onto the computer.
Unfortunately for me I succumbed. About five minutes in to be exact. There was noise coming from the next room and when I asked if we could move and she said no I broke down. I was forced to continue with the interview, that or return at another date, with no guarantee of a different room and the prospect of another week from hell waiting for the new appointment I had to keep going. I had music which I treated as white noise to keep going.
And this is why I am angry. In the space of that one hour they put me back five years of recovery. It wasn't just having to focus on all the things I can't do, rather than celebrate that I can still do them, might take me a while or I might need some help etc. The biggest thing has been the way my confidence has not only been ruined it feels like it has been torn apart, stamped on and damaged beyond repair.
My confidence, in myself and my abilities was the one thing I could rely on. Being able to pretend I could do it or be "normal" to outsiders was half the battle. It took me five years to build that up for it to be gone in an hour.
I second guess myself now, i'm not even trying to be positive. I'm not even trying, what's the point when i'm so useless I can't do it the same as anyone else? It took me five years to learn to forget everyone else and to learn that it's only my standards that matter.

I feel used, objectified and useless. I just hope I can get my benefit so I can spend the next five years building myself back up again.