self closing Mask pocket tutorial

This fits my mask in and is safe enough for it not to fall out. It means I can safely put my mask away when I am out and about.

You can use either 5 2in x 5in scraps or a piece of fabric 10in x5 in. 

If you are using scraps, sew them together to create a piece of fabric 10in x 5 in

Hem each end of the strip of fabric. 

Then fold the top 2 inches over the second 2 inches.

And then fold the rest of the fabric in half, so you should have 2 panels on each side with the top one in the middle. Then sew each side together. 

The folded over piece of fabric should be inside, sewn within the seam. 

Now turn inside out (or rightside in!)

To finish, sew each side again to neaten it up. 

pop a mask into the pocket...

and close!

 

Toilets are not safe spaces

Once again the issue of public toilets is in the news, this time in context of trans rights and the gender recognition act reforms.  https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/boris-johnson-transgender-trans-gender-recognition-act-a9565341.html

Not only that JK Rowling has also been making comments, supposedly on a platform of being a survivor in need of safe spaces, particularly those that are designed for differently gendered people to use. 

This brings up the issue of public toilets, as people often wrongly assume that they are "safe" spaces for either "women" or "men" to use. Let me be very clear. They are not. The signs on the toilet doors do not work like the magic staircase in Hogwarts that stops boys from entering the girls dormitory. Men can enter women's' toilets, and women can go into the men's. It is not logical to assume that these spaces are safe, as they are self policing and in some ways designed better for the group of people who are depicted on the front of the door. 

I live my life as a survivor. My brain is hardwired, the same as everyone elses to protect itself from threats. Those things that are deemed a threat are based on both knowledge and experience and a mix of the two. Sorry I am not scientific, this is just my basic knowledge. When my brain sees a male presenting person who it doesn't, it automatically categorizes them as a threat. I then have to bring my thinking brain into the equation to say, hey, hang on a minute, that's not fair! Of course there are times when it is fair enough, and those instincts are right and are listened too. Those times are almost exclusively when I find myself in a private space with a strange male on our own. This could be a lift, a toilet, at my house, or even if they happen to sit next to me on the bus. 

This doesn't make me sexist, or transphobic. This just makes me a survivor who has had experiences that mean that my brain struggles to differentiate between a threat and not a threat, and it is on a higher and perhaps different state of alert to other people.

So, bringing this back to toilets and who is and isn't "allowed" in them. As I have said, its a smokescreen. It is not and never should be about who owns the right to use a toilet. It should be about making public toilets safer for all users, regardless of gender, sex, age, race, disability, sexual orientation and any other factors. 

The biggest issue is in the design of a public space that is a quasi private space. People become confused about its status and function. If a public toilet is to be safe, then it needs to be redesigned completely. This is starting to happen in schools, where toilets are located along a corridor with individual cubicles. There are other options out there, both in use and in peoples minds. Now, ironically is the ideal time to re think these spaces. With the global pandemic requiring us to avoid enclosed public/private spaces with strangers, toilets are becoming much safer places to be, as the rules become one in and one out. Perhaps things might change now, so that it can be safer for everyone, and not just because of Covid-19. 

 

Bob versus the virus

Bob woke up and went to give his Mummy a cuddle. He did this every morning before school.

This was Bobs second day of home school. School had finished early this year because of a virus that made people poorly.

When Bob cuddled up to his Mummy she said that things had changed AGAIN!

She said that the world was feeling very poorly and needed to rest for a while before we could all go out and play again.

This made Bob feel sad.

He asked his Mummy what we were doing to help the world feel better? He was worried that leaving it alone would only make it lonely.

His Mummy told him that the best thing for the world was to rest for a while.
But this didn’t make Bob feel any happier.

Bob loved to make people feel better, and he loved to invent things!

He ran to his room and started to think of all the things that made him feel better when he was poorly.
Sometimes his Mummy made him drink yucky medicine, which made him feel better. He wasn’t sure if the world had a mouth though, so he carried on thinking.

His Mummy always gave him hugs when he felt poorly and that made him feel safe and loved.
What could he invent to give the world a hug?

He drew in his inventing book a picture of some giant hands, big enough to hug the world. They would need to be powered by gigantic rockets in space.

This could work!

But then he remembered how squished he felt when he was hugged and he wasn’t sure if the people on Earth would like being squished by giant hands.

He turned over the page in his inventing book.

There must be something he could do to make the world feel better!

It was lunch time, so Bob ate and did some more thinking.

Bob remembered how much much he enjoyed being tucked into bed with a cosy blanket and his favourite teddy when he was poorly.

He got drawing and invented the biggest blanket for the world. He would have to get all the Grandmas knitting, it was going to be huge!

But then he remembered that the world needed the Sun to live, and even though some of the world was always dark, it was never for very long. Bob didn’t think that the world would want to be covered in a giant blanket all of the time.

Bob had spent all day inventing and thinking and hadn’t come up with anything!
This made Bob feel very sad.

As Bob went to sleep he hoped that the next day he would think of an invention to make the world feel better.

The next morning, Bob had another brilliant idea!

Since the virus that was making everyone and the world poorly started, his Mummy had told him that he must wash his hands with soap and water, as it made the virus go away!

Bob decided to invent the biggest bar of soap in the world so that the world could get better!
He ran to the bathroom to get a bar of soap so he could think of how to make it bigger.

Bob remembered he had seen on a TV show a super cool gadget that could make things grow bigger!
Bob spent all morning drawing and thinking, trying to invent a gadget, but it couldn’t.

This made Bob feel very sad.

At lunch time Bob asked his Mummy how soap was made. She said that you need a mould, which holds the liquid soap until it sets hard.

After lunch Bob tried to invent a giant mould to make a giant bar of soap. Then he thought of a really clever idea!

Bob decided that he could take the roof off the biggest building in the world and use it to make the soap with.

But there was a problem. Once the soap set, Bob would need to break the building apart to get to the soap. He didn’t think anyone would be happy with that idea.

This made Bob feel sad. But Bob did not give up.

The next day after another good night's sleep, he had yet another brilliant idea!

His Mummy used other things to clean the house with apart from soap and water!

Bob wasn't allowed to use the dangerous cleaning things, but he loved using the broom to sweep the floor with.

Bob rushed to find the broom and took it upstairs to his inventing desk.

The broom had a long wooden handle, and soft brown plastic bristles at the end. Bob drew it very carefully in his book.

The broom would need to be HUGE if it was going to sweep the virus away from the world.

Bob had to think very hard about how to make a giant wooden broom. Then Bob remembered that the trees in the forest were also made of wood!

He could go to the forest and find the biggest, tallest tree, chop it down and use it as his broom handle.
But there was a problem.

Bob thought the world would get very sad if he chopped down a tree that had been growing for years and years. He thought of all the time the world had spent looking after the trees, watering and feeding them until they grew big and strong.

Bob didn’t want anyone else to feel as sad as he was, and he thought that the world must be feeling pretty sad already if it was feeling poorly.

At lunchtime Bobs’ Mummy decided that Bob should stop trying to invent a way for the world to feel better. She set him a new inventing challenge.

That afternoon, Bob was very busy inventing. This time, he couldn’t find any problems with his ideas.
This made Bob feel very happy.

When Bob had finished drawing out his inventions he proudly showed his Mummy the ideas that he had. At the top of the page was the title

Inventions to make Bob happy

Bob had designed an ice cream making machine, a football machine and a TV watching machine.
The next morning Bob and his Mummy spent time playing football together. In the afternoon they sat and watched TV with a bowl of icecream to share.

This made Bob (and his Mummy) very happy indeed.

Traumatic times

In the last few days there have been several references and comparisons made to being at war, and how this government has to respond as a war time government would. Until I read this thread (contains swearing) on twitter  link to thread I hadn’t made the connection to our own personal response to the situation. I have experienced trauma based mental health problems for a number of years, and as part of my recovery and healing I have done a lot of research into this area.

I can now see trauma in people’s behaviour, actions and reactions. I can see it in my own reactions. It is pretty common knowledge how many soldiers experience trauma during war, so it’s not a big stretch to see how we as untrained and unprepared civilians are going to be experiencing traumatic reactions to our attempts at fighting the pandemic caused by corona virus (Covid-19).

People who are panic buying are reacting to their bodily response to trauma inflicted upon it. It goes back to our caveman instincts of hunting and gathering for survival. It’s not that people are being selfish or not thinking of others, it’s just that they are not thinking at all. There are people who are carrying on as normal which is another traumatic response, one of denying the trauma even exists. These are not thought through reactions but automatic responses to traumatic events.

You may be experiencing some really weird stuff going on in your bodies right now, but that’s because our bodies are set up for protecting us from danger. Right now, as the news gets worse and the impact is being felt our brains have effectively rung the fire alarm. When this happens, our logical thinking brain shuts down and all the brains power is focused on fighting the fire or the trauma. This part of our brain doesn’t think, it reacts. It is designed for our survival and means we can quickly reacting to a situation without thinking slowing us down. It is completely natural for this to be an exhausting time for you, as your brains are working overtime trying to process the information and protect you from threats and trauma. Not only that, there are physical symptoms of trauma that our bodies display. Our whole body is under stress and it may struggle to cope.

It is very difficult to convince our automatic response to the situation to switch off and that everything is OK, when there are clear signs it’s not. When you can’t convince your brain you’re not experiencing trauma, you can at least remind it that it’s not all traumatic. There are things we can do, to at least dampen the effects of the trauma on us and those around us.

Keeping your thinking brain active with something simple, proactive and positive stops it thinking negatively and quietens the fire alarm. Planning activities to do, playing board games, planning food, writing, drawing and similar activities are good distractions for your brain to focus on and to keep it feeling calmer. If you are finding that something specific is worrying you, then trying to find a positive solution to that worry can keep your mind thinking rather than reacting with panic. For example if you are worried about the food situation, going shopping in your kitchen and thinking of what meals you can make with what you have in stock may just surprise you. It also means you can be more focused if you do need to go shopping on what you are missing to make a meal. If you are wanting to carry on as you normally would, which might seem like a good idea, it is important to gently nudge your brain into reality. Your brain is protecting you from being completely overwhelmed with what is really happening which is really great. . If you are struggling to cope with the situation and feeling helpless, the positive response is exactly the same. Balance your consumption of the news with other news. Restrict yourself to a short exposure. If your brain needs nudging into or out of reality then filtering that reality makes it easier to process.

You can also use a technique known as grounding. It is a process of re attaching your body to reality, which in this situation means the good bits, the stuff that isn’t traumatic and scary.

Thankfully this is a pretty easy process. You don’t have to look far to find something positive. Look to the people around you, perhaps out to nature and how spring is still happening regardless. Grounding encourages us to focus on engaging our senses. I have always found that I associate certain songs with happy memories, or the taste of something makes me feel better. If you struggle with this it may be worth gathering some things together to create a grounding kit that can help you when things get overwhelming. Preparing a music playlist, some tv or films to watch, things to eat, smell or touch also provides your thinking brain with a task to focus on that is both positive and distracting.

As we face an uncertain future away from familiar routines and freedom we need to be gentle on ourselves and the people around us as we try to navigate it. Acknowledging that this is traumatic for everyone is an important step to take. There is a wealth of information on the internet about trauma and our reactions to traumatic experiences if you want to look into it further (again, a task for our thinking brains).

Remember though, that our  thinking brains are going to be impaired at the moment. However, it is even more important that our brains are provided with stimulus to keep them active, even if it is difficult. Reducing our expectations, rather than not having any at all may seem tough, but it will allow our brains to switch off or at least reduce the noise of the fire alarm and panic, even for a little bit.

Recognising the situation is traumatic reduces the expectations on everyone to function normally. It allows for everyone to be scared, and to be able to talk about it. It also provides an opportunity to try and reduce the longer term impact of this experience on us. We can start to do this by connecting with other people. The ideal connection would be physical, but connecting with each other online is still essential for our long term mental health. Search out like minded people, spend time every day chatting to someone, either on the phone or the internet. Getting to know people during this difficult time can make a positive difference to you and the person your connecting and reaching out to.

We can provide each other with an anchor in this stormy sea whilst we ride out the storm. Knowing that we are not going through this alone will strengthen our ability to cope with the storm The storm will end, and we will heal together, by continuing to anchor each other against the trauma and its effects on us.

Does feeling more connected to nature lead us to be more connected overall?

I often battle with a feeling of disconnection. From life, from people, from everything really. However, since starting to think about nature in a completely different way and becoming  more connected to it, I have also noticed that I have become a more connected person in other areas of my life.

Nature to me was always this big thing that happened "out there", in the countryside, and in a forest or a wood. It was something you went to, and something that you did intentionally. However, since starting to notice natural elements in my day to day life, and feeling that these fragmented elements of nature are also an equally valid representation of, and a big part of nature I have changed my mindset.

Now, even on a cold grey morning when I go on the bus into town or just walking round town. Even when I am sitting at my computer with the crack of my curtain open, I notice the colour of the sky, how the temperature is making me feel. I notice the art work that some people call graffitti that lights up dank alleyways. I notice the cracks in the pavement that have little bits of green in them.

I have even started to appreciate the seasons more. I dont think December is an easy month, as it feels cold and unwelcoming. However this is part of life, and an important one, as it allows animals to rest, and vegetation a chance to re generate and re new. The darkness of december makes me appreciate the summer more.  It makes me notice the contrast in the trees and the colours that are around.

This connection that I feel now to nature is creeping into other areas. It is the idea that it does not matter if it is a single leaf or a forest of trees, that it still counts and still matters means so much. It means that the little things that I can do every day do make a difference and it is worth trying. The fragments of connections are worth collecting, curating and reflecting on. They are an important part of my story, and an important part of my journey through darkness and mental health difficulties.

The bridge that connects both of these things together for me is my creativity. I can express what is on the inside in so many different ways, and use creative outlets to process how I am feeling. I am using words and images to connect with myself and connect with nature.

I was watching this film earlier, it wasnt very good (which seems to be a habit of mine) aside from this one quote which I leave here:

Each painting is different, whether its good or bad it means something to the person painting it.

They choose the colour they chose the brush, and the way that brush touches the canvas and leaves a mark. Its like they are leaving a mark with their voice and their heart.

Kat Abernathy colour me you.

Ugh

I hate myself sometimes. Ok, most of the time. That's not to be pitied, but something that's fact and something I fight against.

And fighting is hard. I know I struggle a lot with day to day stuff but I still give this pretense of functioning across which is a protective barrier to hide behind.

When reality clashes with my fairytale life, when I am so bluntly exposed to the fact that I am ill and that even the simplest thing of going to a course that I love every week is a challenge, and one that I keep failing at I get embarrassed at myself, at my weakness. So then I get even more upset and make myself worse, because not only did I not go to the course but I didn't go because I couldn't face it.

And I think that even the fact that when I do go I scare myself at how my mind ends up on paper, drawn, written, in such a way that I am actually happy with it. When I struggle so much with self esteem it is so hard to take pride in my work and there is so much shame attached to it.

So here I am, making myself vunerable, because if I don't then I won't go back, and I love the course, and the people and I hate myself for missing it.

When self care isnt so caring..

I have been thinking alot over the last few days about how I can look after myself better. I thought I would start, as it seems where I always start when faced with a problem, or when looking for a solution by analysis. I can then hopefully work out what I can do better, and what I am currently doing thats not so good.

So, I started a diary, and in that diary, I had some things to note about the day. Things I do for myself, things I do for others, things I do for my child, for the house and things that I do that are not so good. I noticed, as I think most people do, my life is pretty out of balance when it comes to doing things for myself in comparison to things I do for other people.

Something I have started to do for myself is to turn off the internet and the computer when I go to sleep. I have noticed that it is a really important thing to do, as it means when I wake up in the morning I am putting myself first, having breakfast, reading a book etc. before even thinking about emails or anything on the internet.

However, what I am also noticing, especially today, which has always been a "blah" day, is how there are things that I am noticing that I do in the name of "self care" that aren't actually caring for myself, when I look at it analytically. Spending all day asleep is disrupting my sleep patterns and is not good for self care, I could find other things that are relaxing to do that would be much better, like having a bath, or reading. I got a take away tonight, again thinking this is a good "self care" activity. However, its not really, because its not healthy, so not looking after my body, and it also means I haven't eaten very much during the day.

I find this process really revealing, and tomorrow I am determined to be more self aware of what I do in the name of self care, to make sure it is actually caring, and improving my overall health and outlook on life.